ah la vie!

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Ramiel

Who knew life would turn out the way it did/…does!
It’s amazing how many surprises we get in our lifetime, and how many times events have unfolded that changed us for better or worse…hopefully more better than worse.
But right now. I am as empty as the lines on my journal. Not empty as in hollow or alone or sorrowed. No. Empty as in clear, as in write-down-whatever-you-want-in-and-around-the-lines LIFE!
Because I am in enjoying mode. Enjoying every little and big thing around me. Things happening and the things staying the way they are can be appreciated and enjoyed instead of feared and worried about.

Who knows where I’ll be next month.
But that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it.

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Missing you

Posted on May 5, 2012 by Ramiel

I miss you so much. I don’t just terribly miss your presence, but so much more do I miss how we used to be. How we were so into each other, how I got you excited that we got to talk.
I really never thought I’d be where I am right now. You inspire me you know? You helped me realize that I have so much more during my dark days. You were kinda like that light at the end of the tunnel except it’s not the end…not even close. We’re just getting started

I’m reading our past conversations and it makes me smile how foolish and crazy we were. We really had no idea what we were getting into, but I’m glad we did.
My life wouldn’t taste as sweet if I didn’t have you.

And I can understand how you can feel unsure and lost where you are right now, I know because I’ve been there and you were there with me.
So whatever the emotions may be that fills your beautiful heart, I am forever here. It’s a promise
No matter what happens I will be here. As much as I want to be with you right now and maybe you feeling the same, the circumstances we are in are not the greatest.

And I’m no longer waiting. Because waiting entails that I have somewhere to go or a place or time or state I need to be. No. I am not going anywhere. So I’m not waiting for you because I am here. I will be here with you.

You coloured my life beyond the lines and I’ve never felt more alive than when I was with you…that’s a fact; not just a feeling
I love and will love you…until the sun sets for the last time.

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Old beginnings

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Ramiel

The world has this idea where if you move to a new place, start a new job, meet some new friends, do things new or different. That it will all be better, that we can work out of a slump.

But sometimes, despite the extent we go through to change things, we end up just making old beginnings.

We think and we feel we are brand new, that we have made a new person out of ourselves…but really we are not. We are that same old miserable person that we always hated being. And maybe things are different now, maybe we are to the very least trying…is that good enough? Maybe.

Perhaps that’s all we can really do. And when we give our best and see to it that we find ourselves in the very same position despite the different location, that we just have to accept it as fact.
Or perhaps, our new beginning is still brewing in the background. A few more trial and error before we actually get it right.

Where our lives finally start curving away from the straight line of a plan that we have always had. Where our stubborn life has finally moved on and forward to a completely new thing.

When we no longer live in sadness in constant and continuous wait for that next burst of happiness, only to have it taken away prematurely longing for the next, and the next…

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